one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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