i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
