I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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