Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize