Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
