It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
