Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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