phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
