I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
