im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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