He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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