I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
