So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
