so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
