What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
