hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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