I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
