I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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