piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
