Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
