And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Will exercising make me less horny?
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