i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
