when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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