just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That accounts for only three of the penises
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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