So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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