dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
