my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
