So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
