Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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