yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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