he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
