so explain again why im purple
no
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
