If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
