Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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