your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
