Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
