Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
