you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am midnight drunk by noon
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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