If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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