dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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