I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
