we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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