Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
