its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
