Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
one two three fourrrrnication!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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