bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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