i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
