you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
