He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
