I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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