Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
