Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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