I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
