This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
