This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
