thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
