well you can't waste a boner
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
