Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
