First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
