im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
