i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
