I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
