I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
