Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
