I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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