Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
