yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize