i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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