Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
