I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
