I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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